Forgiveness...

Do you ever hear a song and it cuts right to the quick of your soul? That just happened to me as I stumbled across this awesome song, I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath! As most know, I recently went through one of the very deepest types of loss they say one can experience in life - the death of a sibling - my closest - younger sister and best friend!

My sister died as the result of a blood clot that moved to her heart. She had many medical issues, six that were identified, the main one being Systemic Lupus the most dangerous was something called antiphospholipidsyndrome which caused her to "just throw clots at the drop of a hat". She had experienced seven pulmonary embolisms (blood clots which go to the lungs) over a four year period and yet very miraculously survived each one. The "eighth" as we know it...is what "took" her from this world. However, I know on God's time-line this was her appointment with her Creator, Lord and Savior and so I am happy on her behalf...she is home and healed! The scriptures say that it is a precious thing in God's eyes when a saint goes home to be with Him and so I rejoice when I can. However, I indeed do miss her so very much and because I loved her so deeply sometimes words cannot express enough.

The days following her death were as none I have ever experienced in my life. At the time it was surrealistic. A flood of people ministered to us for several days as the news of her passing spread far and wide. We had occasion to speak with and see some acquaintances we had not seen or heard from in years!I am still recalling things about those early days of adjusting to the initial shock of it all.

During those first few days and weeks God placed His finger on areas of my heart - some of which I had even hidden from myself. Some hurts were literally decades old, seemingly "fossil-like pieces" buried in heaps of dust in my heart. God gave me a desire to want to go to certain people - individuals from my past who I had chosen to "write-off" for one reason or another. I am talking old ill will, emotional baggage, anger-riddled hurts that I had held for just, well, way too long!

God gave me a dose of courage to contact specific individuals and tell them in a forthright way that I had finally made peace in my heart...most importantly...on a personal level...very earnestly forgave them. I confessed that I had harbored wrong thoughts toward them for too long and asked them to please forgive me as well. The choice to forgive and the privilege to be forgiven was a most freeing experience for me. It was like having a huge heavy burden lifted off of me! People are the only portion of this world which will go into eternity with us. We each are objects of God's grace and should be treated as such. As believers on Christ Jesus we need to model grace more easily and often than we tend to...God does this for us on a continuing basis!

I would not wish a close and substantial loss like I have sustained on anyone. And I have to say that it should not have taken such a "slap in the face" for me to seek reconciliation with precious ones in my life. Throughout our lives, God allows us to hold certain people in a dear place, close to our hearts, and yet over time, things like a miscommunication, emotional confusion, guilt for indiscretions, a misunderstanding or just horrific pride can sever that relationship. Allowing a root of bitterness to grow into a well-established noxious weed is awful! We need to be purveyors of grace! We need to find forgiveness in Jesus..we need to favor forgiveness!

In this body of flesh I am struggling as I grieve...frankly, right about now, this lifted burden (an emotional healing for me) seems to be one of the only positive results I readily see from the loss of my sister. I know God has a woven plan and with my eyes I long to see it but I must with eyes of faith know that in time I will see that bigger picture - or as some say -the "right" side of a beautifully woven tapestry!

God is one who extends tremendous mercy (withholding the punishment we so deserve for our sin) and He extends His all-amazing grace (His favor which we can never merit/earn) so freely and in unconditional love wraps His arms around us like a loving parent does to comfort a young child. Remember to praise Him and earnestly thank Him for this sometime!

Many years ago God started a work in my heart. Unlike me, He is faithful to complete what He starts! As I prayed a prayer to surrender my life totally over to His Lordship I sensed instant forgiveness and freedom that set my heart on a straighter path - a deeper walk than I had ever experienced before. This reconciliation with people from my past is another big step of growth on my spiritual life path.

I want to once again thank my Heavenly Father for his grace and for the fact that like the song title says, I am NOT Who I Was. Brandon Heath has been innately bestowed with a gifting for putting words together that touch the deep matters of the heart that I have mentioned here. My prayer is that you will watch/listen to this YouTube video, think on it, pray about it and share it with those in your life who may be struggling with a similar situation. Think on your own past hurts, how you may be in bondage to buried pain and holding unforgiveness. Make the choice to release it to God today and pray about His timing for you to share that with the person(s) who wronged you. Also please pass this message of grace and forgiveness onto others!

From Colossians 3...
vs.- 13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
vs. 14 - And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
vs. 15 - And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.
vs. 16 - Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

May you choose to walk in the light of God's love sooner rather than later. Our future here on earth is uncertain at best so we need to seek to make things right - the sooner the better!

Thanks for reading what the Lord laid on my heart...I trust it will mean something to someone's heart somewhere today. :)